He was having an affair with a much younger woman

I just read your article and can completely identify with it. My husband walked out on me 3 years ago after 15 years of marriage saying he no longer loved me. It came as a terrible shock and left me completely devastated. He was in fact having an affair with a much younger woman – his personal trainer from the high end fitness club he’d joined – which he totally denied until a friend of mine caught him red handed and he had to admit she’d been on the scene since the start of our troubles.

He’s a typical alpha male/narcissist – ex-special forces, very charming and good looking, life and soul of the party etc. I went through all the same heartbreak as you’ve been through – unable to eat, barely able to function at work, carrying that awful heavy feeling around in my heart all the time, experiencing a total apathy with life, turning to anti-anxiety medication to help take the edge off the pain….. He then proceeded to bounce back in and out of my life for 2 years – each time I was pulling myself together he’d pop back up, full of apologies, sweeping me off my feet, showering me in gifts, saying he’d made a massive mistake and loved me etc etc – stupidly I’d fall for it every time even after he’d had a stint living with the PT and then throwing her out. I just wanted my old life back I guess and he was so persuasive plus I did genuinely love him despite his faults.

I think he’s done me a favour and it may well be better in the long run

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Anyway after the 7th time of taking him back, I got all the indicators one weekend that he was about to up and go again, so when he went out to get us coffees on Sunday morning I literally packed up all his bags for him and threw him out, blocked him from my phone and have not seen or spoken to him since. Luckily I’d already divorced him over the 2 years of yo-yoing so had been through that ultimate sadness. Now 15 months on I’ve got my life back on track, have a fabulous set of friends who supported me through all the awfulness and am in a new relationship with a lovely man. Life is very different to what it was pre the devastation my ex wreaked on it but I’m getting to the stage where actually I think he’s done me a favour and it may well be better in the long run. It was terribly journey which I would not wish on my worst enemy but in time it does get better no matter how awful it feels at the time and I firmly believe everything happens for a reason – we just don’t always recognise it at the time.

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