5 ways to navigate spending time with your ex in lockdown – By Maxine Clancy
As if divorce wasn’t challenging enough, add into the mix a large dollop of lockdown time with your Ex and you have a recipe for disaster.
Does it have to be though?
Is it possible to raise your vibration and evolve your relationship for the better, for the good of all concerned by practicing conscious divorce techniques?
It’s never personal – Someone’s behaviour tells you what’s going on for him or her, your reaction is about you. Do you automatically snap or make a judgement? Are you reacting to the past or in the present? See if you can use this time together as an opportunity to evolve from reaction to a conscious loving response.
When you feel triggered – focus your attention on your heart area. Breathe more slowly and deeply for the count of 3 (x2 rounds), continue breathing and activate appreciation by visualising someone or something you’re grateful for. Ask your heart for a compassionate and efficient response to the situation.
Set and communicate clear healthy boundaries – It’s okay to say no! Lockdown does not mean you have to agree to every request. The phrases “Let me think about that” and “I’ll come back to you” will give you time to check in with yourself and make a decision (use above technique).
Set appropriate limits around the sharing of space, visiting children, conversation topics, physical touch and emotional support. Don’t flirt or sleep with your ex, it will only complicate things, if you’re in need of touch, give yourself a body hug or an aromatherapy massage. This too shall pass!
Take responsibility for your feelings – it’s easy to blame others when we don’t feel great, however, blaming keeps us in victimisation. Personal power lies in taking responsibility for how we feel and we do this by checking in with our feelings, naming and acknowledging them.
(Download my emotional power practice here)
Practice Generosity of Spirit – with limited social interactions, it’s feasible we’re not receiving the “strokes” we need to feel good. Even though this might feel challenging, make an effort to express genuine appreciation to your ex. Relate this to acts of service (eg. helping with the home, cooking, children) or praise any qualities you notice (eg. patience, kindness, consideration).
Manage Your Expectations – whilst married it’s likely you looked to your partner to meet certain commitments or expectations. Things will not have miraculously changed. Choose to accept it; see what commitments you can make to yourself. If it’s important for you to live with peace and ease during lockdown, ask yourself what can you do to create peace and ease?
“Keeping a high vibration is important, when we feel good we cope so much better with what life throws at us, practicing any one of these techniques daily will empower you.”
Maxine (@divorcedetoxcoach) is a certified transformational relationship coach, specializing in conscious divorce and finding love.
Click here >>> to visit her website.
