Makes me feel my whole marriage was a sham

Like you I have gone through a separation, the let down, the heartbreak but I still feel like my heart is breaking. What did I do ? Was this my fault?

2018 I was coming back from a weekend away… it seemed we had a nice time… not as close as I hoped. I got into the car… he shouted at me because my phone connected to the car before his… not really my fault, but I got the blame. Flip to the car journey home… he said he wanted to split… it was an awful drive home where did this all come from… I begged a little, hoping he would change his mind. He then just ignored me all the way home. It was horrible.

On the Monday he went away with friends for a few days, didn’t really speak to me or our two children. My daughter and I were using our iPad and linked to his phone and noticed a number of face time calls to a woman. He had been doing this a few times before our weekend away. I realised he was her trainer, saw pictures of them on his training course realised he had known her for a couple of months.

I know I am better off… but I still find all of this hard

The story is quite long… very quickly I realised he was having an affair, I knew I could no longer really put up with his narcissistic, control and manipulation. Everything moved quick, family home sold, and I bought a house on my own for me and our children. He bought a house with his new girlfriend… 16 years his junior. He tried to tell me they weren’t together before we separated. I didn’t believe him to be honest. Anyway to cut a long story short… we are divorced… over a year… he had a baby last year and got engaged. Our children don’t really see him, their choice, he was a very selfish Dad, was physically and mentally aggressive to all of us.

I know I am better off… but I still find all of this hard. You seem so together… I wonder what I have done wrong, why does he seem to have a better life, whilst I am trying to hold mine and the kids lives together.
I have found out today, that he was trying it on with colleagues when we had only been married a couple of years. We were married for 23 years and together 26. It makes you question how many more? Makes me feel my whole marriage was a sham.

I just want to be able to move on

Sorry but I have seemed to moan at you and go on and on. I just want to be able to move on. I am hoping you would be able to give me some tips. How did you recover from the heartbreak. I am 48, feel like I will never meet anyone new.