My boyfriend who I have been with since I was 18, got drunk, kissed someone, drunk drove her and some friends to another bar
Hi Rosie,
My mum recently purchased your book for me as I happen to be going through my first ever break up. I was hoping that you would be able to give me some advice or even guidance on what I need to do to get out of this rut. I have just turned 25 and my boyfriend who I have been with since I was 18 (we survived long distance at university for four years) got drunk a week before my birthday at a party, kissed someone, drunk drove her and some friends to a bar before driving everyone home including her.
Is there an ulterior motive to push me away so I call it a day and he doesn’t have to try and fix this?
I have never felt betrayal like it. I couldn’t eat for a week, I have cried more tears than I think I have in my entire life. He’s my first ever boyfriend, it sounds silly but I genuinely thought and felt that we would be together forever. A similar incident happened early in our relationship of which he immediately told me about. He’s never been a liar and has always been extremely honest with me. He wrote me a letter apologising and taking full responsibility for his actions and I know that he is sorry. We spoke briefly yesterday and he’s now somehow taken the stance that he doesn’t know if he’s going to get over what he’s done to me. He said that he knows I deserve better but doesn’t know if he can be better? I’ve asked him multiple times if he wants to be single of which he says no, I’m in the stage of overthinking, I can see where he is on snapchat, he still has all our pictures on instagram. Is there an ulterior motive to push me away so I call it a day and he doesn’t have to try and fix this?
Our entire relationship has always been that he doesn’t deserve me and I can do better, his friends and family have made it very clear. I know he isn’t a bad person, I just feel as though he’s extremely immature.
I think what I’m asking is do I hold out for him or do I just take this as the universe giving me a sign to call it a day? I’m trying really hard to just live my life and fill it with people and things that make me feel good but I just always find myself thinking and worrying about him. – Which is beyond ridiculous considering he did this?!
I feel like I’m sat on the fence waiting for him to decide if he wants to work through this or not.
I got my dream job which I start soon – I feel as though I can’t be excited for basic things anymore.
I guess I don’t want to make the wrong decision – he hasn’t been groveling or fighting for this probably because I told him that I don’t need any trauma before my new job. I’m not sure what is right and what is wrong or what he should be doing?
His family and mum in particular are very invested in me and she’s been extremely upset about the whole situation. It just seems to be as though he is putting his head in the sand and trying to avoid dealing with the consequences of his own actions. I just don’t want to feel like this anymore, it’s only been a month and apparently this can take a lot longer than that. I feel like I’m sat on the fence waiting for him to decide if he wants to work through this or not.
My family think he’s stupid – he is unable to articulate his feelings correctly. Up until yesterday my mum was very neutral about the situation with him but after the conversation I had with him she thinks I should let him go.
I appreciate you probably get a million of these a day. I feel exhausted and drained and want someone to give me an answer on what to do!
Thank you in advance,
H xx
