I called her a sl@t and asked her if she had anything to say for herself
I know I’m not alone in my heart break journey…your words give me strength
Hi Rosie,
You must get hundreds of emails just like mine. I know I’m not alone in my heart break journey, but I wanted you to know that your audio book has been propping me up for the last month. It plays on repeat from my phone into my ear. It stops me breaking down when I walk the dog, tidy the house, drive anywhere, you are talking in my ear. So, thank you, your words give me strength x
I met my husband when I was 19, we lived together from when I was 20. Overall we have been together 24 years. Married for 6 and we have a 15 year old son. We never argued, or got angry with each other, we always got along.
I was always proud of my marriage, my husband has been an amazing partner, father, hard worker and genuinely lovely heartfelt guy, until last month, when he started to distance himself from me. Turning his head when I went to kiss him hello or goodbye, spending whole evenings lounging in the bath with his phone, on the pc watching YouTube or playing his guitar. He started wearing body spray to work. Something he never used to do; he bought new work clothes as he said he felt scruffy (but that never bothered him before!) and he started chewing gum and telling his parents all about the amazing landscaping job he’s currently doing (she was apparently amazing…. not the job) for a seemingly happily married couple.
He couldn’t explain why he felt differently about this other person and not me anymore!
His dad was dying in hospital so I put this odd behaviour down to this, but then he dropped the bombshell, he said when I asked what was wrong that he didn’t want to discuss it right then, not for one second thinking anything could be this bad I asked if I had done something wrong?
He replied “no, it’s me… it’s all me” and then said that he had feelings for someone else, he couldn’t explain why he felt differently about this other person and not me anymore!
My whole world smashed to a million pieces.
I did everything you said not too, begging when in my worst moments, second only to paying her a visit at her mothers where she has moved to after splitting with her husband, I called her a sl@t and asked her if she had anything to say for herself, (she didn’t) and I was pretty much prepared to do anything – ANYTHING – to save my marriage.
He spent a night in the Travel Inn and confessed that he could never be happy without us (me and our son) in his life and asked for another chance. I stupidly believed him, I arranged a meeting with a couples counsellor, I am a counsellor so this was a bit strange for me!
Then he said he couldn’t possibly stop all contact with this other person, giving me reasons such as….
“Her life is in danger!”
(From her terrible husband)
“I’m afraid she will do something stupid”
(Meaning harm herself)
And….
“I can’t just switch my emotions off like a switch”
(I’m in love with her)
And he thought this was ok for me to hear???
When I asked if this (being home with my son and me) was what he wanted, he said
“I’m here aren’t I” – A yes we would have been more appropriate
I was being taken for a ride, and she had pulled him into this exciting drama of danger and suicidal ideation, where he had become her hero, her rescuer and he was messaging her constantly, over the next few days when he was supposed to be trying to repair our marriage. Over 200 messages to be exact, so I told him to leave…..
All I want to do is tell him how shit this feels, but I know he really doesn’t care
I am heartbroken, scared, ashamed, humiliated, angry, bitter, you name it I’m feeling it.
The day after he left two small parcels arrived in the post for him, I opened them, they were from the tv add ‘numan’
“Do something about your erectile dysfunction!” The TV add says
A bottle of testosterone supplement and viagra!!!
Clearly he had not counted on me being brave enough to ask him to leave just yet and had banked on being home for his deliveries. He had every intention of “performing” with her!!!!
(Something we never had a problem with in our 24 years!!!)
So I was right… he had already left us.
But how do I move on? how does one be civilised? I will have to see him at his dads funeral next week.
When you are feeling like this, how is it possible to tolerate their presence? All I want to do is tell him how shit this feels, but I know he really doesn’t care. He only wants to see his son, not me.
My 14 year old son has refused to see him.
He said “screw him” the last time we spoke about him.
He was living in a local hotel, but has now found a room to rent in the local town, so he’s definitely not coming back.
Knowing you survived gives me strength, but I’m an ordinary person, I’m not a famous writer or editor, have no way of rising from the ashes like a Fucking Phoenix.
What’s my next move? How do I play the game to survive?
Yours sincerely,
The mess that was… MK xx
