I’ve just discovered your wonderful book and started listening to it yesterday on audible during a long dog walk (pretty much the only thing that keeps me sane at the moment!). It’s already helped me to sleep a little better last night. You’re such a badass for writing about such a shitty time and it’s giving me a whole load of inspiration right now.
I looked at his phone to see who it was, as it seemed pretty late for someone to be ringing. It was a woman’s name I didn’t recognise
About six weeks ago, the night before my birthday, my boyfriend got a call at night while he was in the bathroom. I looked at his phone to see who it was, as it seemed pretty late for someone to be ringing. It was a woman’s name I didn’t recognise, except as one of his Instagram friends (he only had about thirty and lots of them were women who looked like me – red flag alert!! 😂). When questioned, he totally stonewalled me and said it was just a young girl on his law degree course (he’s a mature student) and he had no idea why she was calling. I told him to call her back, as it could be important. He didn’t.
I had the deep gut wrenching sensation of overwhelming intuitive knowledge – this man is cheating on you
I’m ashamed to say that I just let it go for the night. It was my birthday the next day, I had to be up early for work, and I felt I just couldn’t deal with what I knew this really meant at the time. So, on my way to work, I looked up the girl on his Instagram. Then I did the same thing at lunch. Then as I was leaving at the end of the day. Except, this time, she was no longer a connection to him on Instagram. That was when it really hit me and I had the deep gut wrenching sensation of overwhelming intuitive knowledge – this man is cheating on you. The next day, when I asked him about her again, why she rang, who she was, why he’d taken her off his Instagram, I was delivered a tsunami of absolute bullshit. He even said to me at one point, “it would be easier if I were cheating on you, then I could tell you.” Anyway, that was the last day I saw him.
About two weeks later, I was taking a pregnancy test and feeling like this could be the worst best thing that could be happening to me.
Or the other way around. I decided to message the woman who called him, via Instagram. It occurred to me that she could have been at home that night wondering why he wasn’t picking up. Wondering where he was and who he was with, and perhaps she needed to know about me too. She responded straight away and we had a long phonecall exchanging our stories. When I messaged him to tell him I knew everything, he didn’t even bother saying sorry. He didn’t admit anything.
Full of rage and propelled by the injustice of it all, the way he had gaslit and manipulated me, I contacted all of the other women on his Instagram friends list. Turns out there were at least five of us (that I could find, we’re sure there are more) all at the same time, some of whom he’d been with for far longer than me.
This man is a sexual predator who had been breaking lockdown rules by going between all of our houses, sometimes on the same day; he’d coerced us all into having unprotected sex with him based on the mutual agreement we were in a monogamous relationship; he pretended he was younger than he was to start dating a 19 year old; he lied, lied, lied. The whole of our 10 month relationship was a fiction. I was relieved and grateful when the pregnancy test was negative.
Apart from the time he stole from me, when he knew I’m at a point in my life where I’m thinking that I would like to start a family with someone, one of the things that upsets me the most is the fact that I work in a hospital with very sick children. I explicitly told him he needed to be in my bubble, he needed to be careful of his interactions with me and, if he couldn’t do that, then we should end the relationship. What kind of person behaves this way when so much is at risk?!
The comforting, lovely thing I take from all of this is the responses I got from all the women
The comforting, lovely thing I take from all of this is the responses I got from all the women. It’s a lot to receive an Instagram message from a stranger (I know, the irony!). But every single woman, regardless.of the nature of their relationship with him, was really supportive of what I was doing. They were grateful that I was reaching out to inform others, even though it was the most painful thing to hear.
God, I didn’t mean to write you an essay! Sorry! I really just wanted to say thanks. You’re remarkable. I’m about to put my trainers on, get Woody on his lead, put my earbuds in and press play on chapter five!
Here’s to healing a broken heart!