He blamed me for everything – and I mean everything!
Dear Rosie
It’s been 4 years since he left. And after telling me he didn’t love me anymore , he just saw me as the ‘mother of his children’, it took him a further 3 months to leave as he ‘didn’t know’ whether to stay or go.
In those 3 months I literally fell apart. Emotionally, physically , spiritually – I was running on empty. Yet life carried on as normal including family get togethers and worst of all , Christmas.
I couldn’t sleep as I waited for him to come home from ‘work’ or the gym he had recently joined and went to 4 nights a week. I lay in bed waiting for the headlights of his car to track across the ceiling and then I knew his car had pulled on the drive. It was often 11-12pm. And then he’d sit downstairs on his phone in the dark (!!)
I couldn’t eat , I lost 3 stone by the end. I wretched in the shower every morning and he listened and didn’t say a word. I had a permanent headache and nausea. I had such bad dizzy spells I thought I had a brain tumor. I was even sent for a brain scan – he didn’t attend. He literally didn’t care. He was always so kind and protective of me.
We had definitely grown apart and I can see now in hindsight we were both unhappy. But never ‘divorce unhappy ‘
I had 3 children under the age of 10 and I just couldn’t comprehend what was happening. Yes, things hadn’t been great . Financial stress, small kids, him working hard to provide, me feeling lonely , unappreciated and tired. Him feeling the same. We had definitely grown apart and I can see now in hindsight we were both unhappy. But never ‘divorce unhappy ‘.
I had recently quit my career to be at home with the kids and so I had to continue with the home and school run and I didn’t tell a soul – only my mum. No one knew I was falling apart.
He blamed me for everything – and I mean everything! I was ungrateful, unappreciative , moody, angry , made no effort and apparently I didn’t love him and never had (!!)
He refused to get help – (said it was me that needed help , not him) . He was so angry with me his face boiled with rage . When I got upset he mocked me . Actually imitated my voice and face. Who was this man??? Where had my kind, gentle and reasonable husband gone?
He sat as far away in the living room as he could. He pulled the covers around himself in bed and refused to let me touch him or hold him. He refused to talk. He looked at me like he hated me. He denied an affair and turned it all round on me. And the truly sad thing is I believed him and I promised him the world if only he’d stay. I left notes around the house apologizing for being me and for not being better. I cooked his favourite meals, made him lunch for work , showered him with affection , bought thoughtful gifts but he threw it all back with disgust in his voice.
He told me he would never forgive me for forcing him to leave his home and kids. But he still didn’t have the guts to go and in the end it was me or who had to make the ultimatum because I couldn’t carry on like this and he chose to leave.
And yes, you’ve guessed it. There was another woman. Of course there was. Someone he worked with. He reckons it didn’t start till we had split but I’m not that stupid. I don’t blame her – she was a catalyst for him to go – he’d have gone eventually – but what hurts even more is their relationship only lasted a year or so. It just all felt like such a waste. Such a tragedy.
Anyway- he never looked back . Never messaged me or phoned or emailed. Never regretted. Never apologized. He left and that was that. Gone. Forever.
I know I’ll be ok in the end but my gosh this experience has rocked me to the core
I’m still reeling with it all to be honest. I hate seeing him when he picks up the kids. Breaks my heart. I have better days then really bleak days. I know I’ll be ok in the end but my gosh this experience has rocked me to the core. I’m back in my career. I have 3 wonderful , truly amazing kids and each year I’m a bit stronger than the last.
Thank you for telling your story. Your story is my story
Xxxxx
