The Real Reason You’re Attracting Unavailable Men – Emily Wystock-Wright

Have you ever had yourself wondering why all the men you seem to attract leave you hanging?

It’s super easy to begin to think that it must be you who is flawed as you seem to find yourself in the same predicament each time and as ultimately, you are the common denominator. Although there is some truth in this, you’ll be pleased to know the truth isn’t as limiting as it may sound.

As many of us have continued into adult life, disconnected from our truth and dis-associated from our ‘little being’ or our ‘inner-child’, we subconsciously draw in partners who we hope will heal our wounds. However, often they are usually someone similar to the person who originally wounded us when we were younger.

We’re all guilty of putting up a façade so we can validate our needs and be the lovable person our partner wants.

I believe, in this fast-paced world, intimate relationships can come about to serve and satisfy our own needs; our need to feel loved, feel secure, or to be of a certain status. We blindly walk into these relationships with a long list of expectations and needs that we subconsciously feel must be met in order to feel loved, appreciated and respected.

We’re all guilty of putting up a façade so we can validate our needs and be the lovable person our partner wants. Yet subconsciously we are walking wounded from our early childhood relationships and seeking a partner to close the loop for us – to show us they’re the one.

Do you find yourself attracting the same type of men, with similar challenges? If so, I really want you show you how relationships are there to hold the mirror up for you, as difficult as this may be to see sometimes. They are there to show us the wounds we hold and the trauma we need to release, which usually have been formed unconsciously in our earlier attachments and relationships. It is YOUR responsibility and, in your power, to close the loop by self-growth.

Often, although we may feel we are available and ready to commit, we have a subconscious fear of rejection or worry that a relationship will take over us so we put up the barriers and on an energetic level, we are sending these signals out to protect ourselves from these fears, hence attracting men who are not available to us. Unconsciously, this feels safe as we therefore don’t have to fully commit ourselves either.

So the proof is in the pudding and this is a common process I work through with clients and when we crack it, the results are liberating!

It’s not as simple as saying ‘here is my problem, lets fix it’. I empower my clients to be vulnerable by bringing awareness by following these 3 steps:

1. Using their story as their superpower. So often I see these strong, independent women who forget they have a hard drive of past experiences which contribute to their very being each day. Accepting where we come from, why we have values and who we truly are, is the first step to understanding ourselves on a deeper level. I encourage clients to begin this by starting a gratitude journal.

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2. Get super clear on what it is that they are finding challenging in life and aligning this with their story to be able to gain clarity on what we need to do for their own self growth. Meditation is amazing for this, as when you let go, so many realisations come to the surface as you can bit-by-bit piece things together.

3. Now they have clarity on the above two steps, it’s time to re-write some of the programmes they currently unconsciously run, by changing the relationship they have with their own story and their selves through forgiveness.


The Adira Programme is a unique coaching experience of seven fundamental steps to achieving self-rediscovery and silent inner confidence. I use a combination of science, psychology, energy and nutrition, to show you how to let go of old perceptions and limitations, to empower you to take action in creating a happy and healthy self.

Link to download Gratitude and Forgiveness workbook

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