I’ve been following you for a short while and listening to podcasts with you in them.
Just before lockdown my husband of 10 years told me he’s unhappy and we’ve lost our “connect”. He says he still loves me but the only thing that makes him happy is our daughters. He’s willing to work on things but when it comes to it, it feels like he isn’t doing much to work on things. He’s always been a drinker but it gets out of hand and he uses alcohol to suppress a lot and it really effects his mood.
I’ve been seeing a therapist who has also seen us together and she thinks he is an addict (he also slips in and out of recreational drug use). I’ve given up a lot in our marriage – my career being the big thing but we are financially very comfortable and he says that if the worst happened he’d support me forever. I feel really sad as I don’t want our marriage to end and yes, since having children things have changed but he fights against the normal changes that I think you go through as you get older.
Despite all of that if the worst happens I know I’ll be ok. Sad – incredibly but ok.
One minute he’s warm then another he completely closes down and shuts me out.
I know I’m a great person (with none of the drink and drugs vices) and I’ll continue to be that great person and he’ll continue to be who he is. I’m terrified that without me he’ll spiral and the thought of him doing that with our daughters in his care terrifies me. It’s all so so up and down. One minute he’s warm then another he completely closes down and shuts me out.
I’m so lonely in lockdown and I can’t tell my family as it would be so hard not being able to see them and they’d absolutely hate him. I’ve told a few friends but again I fear telling anyone else for what they’ll think of him.
He’s showing all the classic signs of a midlife crisis but I know that means nothing.
I’m just lost. x