My 42 yo consultant fiancé and partner of 6 years ended our relationship last week, after months of being unsure about whether/when we could marry me. I kept pushing (my bad I know), and he kept leaving me hanging, full of apathy about me and our relationship. We had just finished renovating a beautiful house in Balham, and I had thought we would start planning our wedding and soon start a family. I am 39, and have suffered with a chronic illness for 3 years, which I thought was all that was holding us back, but I have recovered from my illness in the last 6 months, and still he found reasons to stall. The timing of this feels so cruel as I’m losing my partner but also my ability to start a family. I miss him desperately. I asked him to move out last week, as seeing him was too hard to bear, and he did, but very reluctantly. He actually thought we could continue living together(!). Every part of me now wants to beg him to come back but I know there’s no changing his mind.
It’s the biggest headf**** I’ve ever experienced. There was no-one else involved. We tried couple’s therapy but he soon opted out of it, and bolted, unable to take accountability for his part in our issues. Where do I go from here? I honestly have no idea. It terrifies me, but listening to your audiobook last week gave me comfort, and I’ll listen to it again in the coming weeks. Sharing your story has given me hope, so thank you. It’s also helped me – bizarrely- to see that bad things happen to good, smart, funny, attractive people like you! It’s helping me to blame myself less and to remember that this isn’t my fault. I was willing to work at myself and us and grow; he wasn’t. Anyway, thank you again and best wishes,