My husband left me with no discussion, no warning and by leaving a note…

Dear Rosie

I found myself revisiting the chapter in your book on depression as I lay awake in the small hours last night.

I wrote to you this time last year and you were kind enough to reply.

My husband left me pretty abruptly, with no discussion, no warning and by leaving me a note. I have had a difficult year, but have tried everything – and I mean everything! – to alleviate my heartbreak. I have a good group of friends, have made new friends, I go out (a LOT), started running, set myself physical challenges (I have just done the National 3 peaks challenge, and am doing a tandem sky dive in the morning), I’ve done acupuncture and hypnotherapy. I have been seeing a psychotherapist since this time last year. I eat well, I have completely changed my house (decor, furniture, pictures), I have been out on a couple of dates with chaps I have met locally, I am keeping myself busy working, and doing two courses to help my professional development and trying to start a new business with a friend and ex-collegue of mine. Yet I still find myself having been to the GP yesterday and being diagnosed with moderate to severe depression. And it was only at the insistence of one of my close friends that I make the appointment.

I find it hard to even think about “having depression” or “being depressed”. When I told said friend of the conclusion of the GP her response was “…naming your depression is a big step”. I haven’t told anyone else (friends or family) about it and I can’t really name it as depression, and certainly not out loud. So re-reading your chapter was my first step in trying to come to terms with it, and how you have been brave to talk about your situation so publicly. I have initially refused to be put on medication but have a follow up appointment on Tuesday next week, which the doctor insisted on so we could discuss it again after I had a few days to consider (coincident with the day the 20-week period after the petition for divorce is due… a landmark day, indeed x 2). In just 24 hours I think I have already come to accept my need to go on medication, but I do find this a very difficult scenario, and one I never believed would “happen to me”. Oh well. It seems that it is. And to top it all off, in 3 weeks I shall be 50…!

I just felt the need to share and to thank you for giving me a ‘reference guide’ in your book to help me better understand that perhaps I am not going mad, just a temporary blip in my recovery. At least I do hope so.