The person who promised to love me forever, has turned into someone I don’t know.
Hi Rosie,
I was pointed to your page by friends of mine here in Singapore who knew you from way back. They knew roughly what had happened to me with my husband and pointed me in your direction.
What a godsend!!!! Thank you, you have helped a lot.
Where to start, I met my husband at 17 years old on holiday in Greece. We were both holidaying with our families and it was an instant attraction. I loved him intensely and with everything I had. Looking back now the rose-tinted glasses are off, it was probably never all I cracked it up to be, but over the next 18 years of our relationship and our 14 year marriage there were a million happy times. Everyone commented on how great we were together, how committed and supportive of each other. Every achievement I made in life I attributed to him, the man who moved half-way around the world to let me have my career.
I went to therapy to fix my jealousy and my issues
Last summer there was an issue. A friend who seemed to me was more than that – to quote Bridget jones – was messaging him. I read his phone and whilst nothing sexual it wasn’t ‘just a friend’ relationship. But he made me out to be the mad one, I was blamed and told I was crazy. More fool me that I believed it. I went to therapy to fix my jealousy and my issues. I thought we were doing ok, things seemed better, but she was still there in my mind.
On Christmas Eve, back in the UK at his parent house, my world collapsed.
We shared an iCloud and I ended up with a message on my phone. It wasn’t just any message it was a love poem. A poem from him to her. I confronted him, but then my submissive and non-confrontational self just hid it away and we spent Christmas pretending to be a happy family at his brothers for my 2 children.
I cried, I cried and I cried a million times that day in the bathroom while everyone else had “the best Christmas ever”.
Fast forward to coming back to Singapore. Turns out this affair is everything to him. He hadn’t loved me for years and I was a horrible and terrible woman he couldn’t stand.
He blamed me and my behaviour and asserted repeatedly that I had driven him to what he had done.
The man who promised to love me forever had turned into a man I don’t know. He blamed me and my behaviour and asserted repeatedly that I had driven him to what he had done. When I found out she was pregnant with his child and told people; he said I was a vindictive cow trying to ruin their new happiness. Even though I was still allowing him to live with me and paying his way. I continued to let him bring me down. I cried every day and didn’t know what I was going to do. I wasn’t the kind of person who got divorced. I had been with one man my whole adult life!!!
Fortunately, I have a tribe of amazing friends here and back home who stepped up. With their help I have slowly but surely moved on. They helped me stand up to him and make him move out. They helped me realise I’m an amazing and successful career woman in my own right and I did it all myself not because of him. They have helped me to see I can make decisions alone based on my happiness, not on making someone else happy.
And honestly even with everything going on with this virus, I am happy. I have 2 amazing and beautiful children who I love so much (outside school zoom time), amazing friends who I love more than anything, the best body I have had in years (post lockdown men better watch out) and most importantly for the first time in a long time a love for myself.
It isn’t easy. Every second weekend I have to hear the stories from my children about their new step mum and their new sibling arriving soon. I have to pretend it’s all ok and I don’t mind.
While I sit alone with Netflix every evening, I imagine him with her. But I don’t want him back and actually when I’m sad to be alone I no longer want him – I am ready to move on to someone else.
Next step for me is to get out and wear the whole new amazing size 10 ASOS wardrobe I’ve ordered myself while here social distancing. I am ready to be the woman I was supposed to be.
Post virus me is ready to face the world!
Thanks
